Let me see if I get this right: Chuck Lorre got to talking with another guy about the possibilities of a child being able to make a positive difference in the life of a degenerate. Charlie Sheen comes to mind on the tails of the word “degenerate”. Chuck Lorre calls the libertine, Charlie, and has a sit down with him, all for the sake of pitching the idea to him. Madman that he is, Charlie thinks it’s a really funny idea and he’s game. Why wouldn’t he be? After all, he’s nutso, according to the guy who couldn’t wait to write a whole show around the mad cap philanderer. So, it’s in the bag. Crazy, delusional Charles takes the project on and who would have guessed? He makes a great big giant hit out of being himself. Everybody’s rich and famous and happy as a pig in, well, you know….stuff. They had eight years of wallowing in….stuff, and getting richer by the year. And, it seems they could continue to loll about in their swine-like felicity for countless untold years, if they had only remembered who had put them in their mud wallow. But instead, it would seem that Chuck the Schmuck got publicly upset about Charlie being Charlie. Then Charlie got equally upset because the Schmuck was calling a spade a spade. And I think, somewhere in all this, who’s diddling who, CBS is weaving and bobbing.
I have to confess, I never watched Two and a Half Men until this past October when I was recuperating from knee surgery at my daughter’s house. I was hobbling my way back from the bathroom in the style of Tim Conway’s old man character, Mr. Tudball (The Carol Burnette Show), when I heard crazed laughter erupting from the living room. My daughter and all four of my grandchildren were glued to the television. I shuffled a little faster. Lindsay doesn’t laugh like that unless something is extremely hilarious. I just had to see what was making her snort and snuffle like, well, never mind. She was obviously losing her mind over something beyond funny.
Gasping for air after my shuffling sprint, I collapsed onto the sofa. “What’s so funny? What are you watching?”
“Two and a Half Men.”
“Two and a Half what?” I never watched television. I had no idea what she was talking about. “What’s that?”
She shushed me without even turning to look at me, so rapt was her attention to the glowing screen across the room. Thank God a commercial break came on.
She was amazed that I had never seen the show, let alone never heard of it. I was amazed that she was amazed since she knew I got rid of cable over ten years ago. So she tried to explain the show to me. I’ll never forget her words as she described Charlie Sheen’s character to me.
“He’s such a jerk. A guy like that wouldn’t last two seconds with you or me,” she said. “But I love watching him. He’s so HIM! It’s like he’s getting paid to do what he would do anyway.” She laughed some more, just thinking about his antics. “He’s the kind of guy we would want to see burning in Hell, but he’s so outrageously open about his lack of morals and his extravagant indulgences that I can’t help laughing.” The show was coming back from the break. “I LOVE this show!”
By the time the show was over, I was loving it, too, and I was disappointed that it was over. So Lindsay broke open the entertainment center to reveal her DVD collection of the show. We spent the remainder of the night, laughing ourselves into an idiotic stupor. My stomach muscles ached so bad from the laughter that I fully expected to wake up with 6 pack abs the next morning, but alas! The abs fairy was a no-call, no-show. Now, there will be no more opportunities for her to make an appearance.
Only five months after becoming involved in this love-hate relationship, I’m faced with saying a tearful farewell to the man I happily have loved to hate, Charlie Harper. I find myself wondering why it has to be, and I want to hunt this Lorre fella down, and force him to read MY vanity cards. I don’t normally take sides in fights that don’t concern me, but this one is too important to remain neutral. There’s no sense to it. No rhyme or reason. What will I tell the kids?
I’m a logical thinker, and I can find no logic in Lorre’s behavior, nor that of CBS. First of all, did they really believe they could make a difference in a degenerate’s life by casting him in a show with a child? What kind of brain tumors do they suffer from, to believe that putting a morals clause in the contract would be honored? They chose Charlie Sheen because of his past which underscores immorality. They chose him knowing his nature. It was exactly those things which made the show a hit. Charlie Sheen as Charlie Harper was believable because they’re one and the same.
What’s Lorre’s real problem with Charlie? Is he simply mad over taking a back seat to the degenerate? Is he feeling a sort of sibling rivalry because Charlie so clearly seemed to be getting away with behavior he knew he wouldn’t be able to exhibit? Were the parents (CBS) showing favoritism by allowing Charlie the liberty of remaining himself, when Lorre was being admonished for the little infractions called “rants” on his vanity cards?
As for my love, Charlie, we all know he’s egomaniacal, erratic, irresponsible, and downright masochistic. What’s not to love? But, Charlie….Baby, you just gotta learn when to shut your mouth.
- Uh Oh! Seems Chuck Lorre Knows a LIVING PERSON with a Reason to Kick Stan Lee’s Ass (inveteratemediajunkies.com)
- Charlie Sheen – Charlie Sheen Celebrates As Anger Management’ Is Poised For Renewal (contactmusic.com)
- Charlie Sheen – Charlie Sheen’s Spider-man Dreams (contactmusic.com)